December 2011

"Now...the people were in a state of expectation..." Luke 3:15

This verse is a motivation to me as I look forward to Faithwalkers.   Christmas is a wonderful time with family, followed by the Faithwalkers conference where we come together with God's people to worship, hear God's word and fellowship together.

The following are some testimonies that I, and other women, have of how Faithwalkers has been used in their lives. My prayer is that God will make the 2011 Faithwalkers a time where you experience God in a new and fresh way.

Blessings to you,

Sandy Hopler

Getting Ready for Faithwalkers

Every year around the middle of December I chide myself: "How have you gotten yourself into so many things? Why do you do this?" Then I state, "Well, next year I don't HAVE to go to Faithwalkers." Then after Christmas, we pack up as much of our family as is available to go and head to North Carolina for Faithwalkers East. I am always so blessed by the teachings, the worship, and the extra time spent in fellowship with people I don't see very often. I love hearing what God is doing in people's lives, basking in God's presence, and watching my own children grow and learn from exposure to some of the godliest people I know (3 John 4). Every year I am so glad I made the decision to go. 

Louise Martin

Columbus, Ohio

I read an article one time by Michael Pearl who wrote about children jumping ship, and why so many kids of Christian parents left home and forsook their faith. He commented how so many Christian parents spend so much time homeschooling, often keeping their kids home and apart from other children their age in order to shelter them from the world. They involve their children in church activities but not much more. Therefore, they are not exposed to the world or to many other people so that when they leave home they do not know how to be a Christian among so many different kinds of people. His analogy was our family is on a ship going downstream. We pass all kinds of other ships with all kinds of other families on them. When our children see what the other families are doing and it looks more exciting than what we are doing, then they will want to jump ship and join in what the other family is doing. So, in order to keep this from happening, Michael Pearl suggested two things. 1) Make sure we are continuing to engage our children in doing worthwhile and eternal things on our ship so they want to stay onboard. 2) From time to time, dock your vessel with the other vessels so that families can interact and enjoy what the other families are doing.

For us, this is one thing we love about Faithwalkers. It gave, and still gives, our boys (now young men) the opportunity to "dock" with other kids their age and enjoy relationships that were established at LT, or other Faithwalkers, or simply by being with the kids of their parents' friends. They get to see that kids their age are doing the same things they are: reaching out, sharing Christ, and enjoying the Lord. It's an opportunity for them to be sharpened by the examples of older men and women and their peers.

I love it that we can all experience the same teachings, meal times, tie downs, etc., but each one comes away with something different because the Lord has met them where they are. And many times, the things they come away with are learned from other kids their own age.

Thank you, dear ladies, for raising godly children that are such positive influences on our young men!!

Barbara Wilson

Raleigh, North Carolina

I would like to take this opportunity to share with you how God did a unique and special work in our family at the Faithwalkers conference in 2003. 

As John and I have raised our children, our hope was always to have them united with us in love for each other, and for the Lord. We knew the greatest gifts we could give them were faith in God, and a mission worthy of their lives. Whatever vocation they eventually would choose, we hoped they would be part of fulfilling the Great Commission. We knew we had to live this out in front of them first. In general, we were thankful for the direction our family was headed. Yet we were looking for the Lord to "show up" in greater ways. Did John and I still have the same burning passion for the things of God, and were we transferring that to our children? Or would we be satisfied with what we were, and "settle" for lives not too dissimilar to the world around us?

It became apparent that God was more concerned about the spiritual state of our family than we could ever be. As we came to the first Faithwalkers conference that December, we couldn't conceive of how much He would bless us. Thirty years (!) ago our lives had been changed radically by joining our Christian community at conferences, where we received God's Word taught by godly men. Now we were able to bring our family to listen to some of the same men- Christian leaders who had continued to faithfully follow Christ. The teachings we heard, and the relationships our children established, had profound effects on us. At the end of the evening teachings, our children mixed with other believers in prayer. God awed us all as the "nextgen" and the older generation became one "generation of those who seek... His face." (Psalm 24:6).

But, God did more amazing things after we arrived back home in Ohio. In Mark 5:42, after Jesus raised their little girl from the dead, it was said of Jairus and his wife that "...they were completely astounded." John and I were astounded with God's goodness and power on our first night back from Missouri. In humble tears, on their knees, our children dedicated their lives more fully to Jesus Christ. It was the most significant time of prayer we have ever had as a family.

Since then, God has continued to work in our children's lives. One example of this was demonstrated when our son David reached out to a young man from school. Eight years later, that young man and David are leading out in ministry. 

For our family, while I am encouraged with what the Lord has done, I realize that there is plenty of room for growth. And for this reason, John and I come to God freshly this December, expecting great things from Him as we go to Faithwalkers as a family.

Sandy Hopler                                                                                                             

Columbus, Ohio 

November 2011

Dear Sisters,

For a brief time this fall we thought we had our house sold and that we would be moving  before the Christmas holidays. While supporting our desire to move, our grown children all  seemed reluctant to miss one last Christmas "at home." We've experienced so many holiday traditions and memories in this house.

Yet traditions can live and be passed on as we change and grow, and as our children grow and leave our homes. I asked some pastors' wives to share with us those special traditions they enjoyed with their families over the years. I pray these bring a blessing to your homes this holiday season!

Thanking God for you,

Sandy Hopler 

What are some Christmas traditions that have built your family in Christ over the years? 

Our Christmas tradition is both fun and serious at the same time.  Christmas  Eve is devoted to Christ and the Christmas story.  We have a large ceramic  manger scene that we put up high on a shelf.  We then turn off all the lights, except for a flashlight for Berk, who reads the Christmas story.  One of the kids  gets another flashlight, and shines the light on whatever figure(s) are being read about at that time.  However, before the story is even read, as in earlier in the day, this person has collected other things throughout the house that can be"stand-ins" for a character in the Christmas story.  For instance, last year Herod looked a lot like Jack Bauer on the back of the "24" video.  We also sing  appropriate Christmas songs that coincide with where we are in the story - always ending with "Go Tell It on the Mountain," which is Berk's favorite. 

 -Barbara Wilson

In the spirit of Mark 10:45, "For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many," we have come  up with a couple of Bowen Christmas traditions that we do each year. We deliver plates brimming with homemade Christmas cookies and candies for empty-nest neighbors to enjoy with their loved ones. These gifts, along with other acts of service sprinkled throughout the year, have made a way for us into the lives of our neighbors.

The more recent Christmas tradition we have added comes after the first Christmas Eve service at church. The children and I return home to ready an appetizer dinner to be enjoyed by the family when Mark gets home from the final Christmas Eve service.

--Judi Bowen

Our children had a large collection of Lego's so we often built things that had to  do with the holiday. One year it was a Lego Mayflower.  We then were able to recreate the story of the Pilgrims. Most years, we built a stable for Christmas. In the beginning we just used Duplo Lego's, but as the years progressed the stables became more complex. Then we would read or tell the Christmas story.  Eventually we purchased small figures of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus although we could have constructed those too.

--Virginia Biang

With a big family we cannot afford to give expensive gifts, so the emphasis is on being together and enjoying the season together. The Nativity scene is a focus of our decorations.We often shared our Christmas day with others outside of our own physical family.  As you can imagine, the people who don't have a place to spend Christmas tend to be those who are a bit needy, such as single moms, soldiers, and international students. We always have big meals and we always have all of our meals at one table-- even if the table is 35 feet long and snakes around a couple of rooms!

Getting ready for Faithwalkers is now part of our holiday traditions. Rick's PowerPoint for his teaching has been a family team project at that time. And then we go for some kind of long, crazy hike--grandparents, little babies, whether it's snowing or just cold. We walk.

-Neva Whitney

One Christmas tradition that I especially enjoyed when our children were small  was something I would do when Dennis had to be gone for the evening. We would turn off all the lights and sit near the lighted Christmas tree. After singing a few carols, we would talk about all the ways our decorated tree could be a visual reminder to us of God and His goodness to us. Some ideas were, the tree: God's creation; decorations: reminders of God's beautiful blessings; tinsel: the glories of heaven awaiting us.

A second tradition is our "Gifts to God." We begin individually thinking and praying about what the Lord is putting on our heart to 'give Him' as the holiday approaches. Each one writes his gift on a card and puts it in our gift box along with the others. One of the last things we do together around the tree on Christmas Eve is to open the box, handing out the cards, reading them aloud one by one.

-Thelma Clark

It warms my heart every time I think of our tradition to put up our tree REALLY early! Yes, it is usually the beginning of November-but at times has been the later part of October. We do this because December always seems so busy with not much family time to just sit back and talk about life. In a world of hustle and bustle, we feel very at rest in our living room with the gentle lights of the tree, fireplace and a warm cup of cocoa or cider and sharing our lives with one another. I will never forget these times!

 -Cindy Sokoll 

What stands out so much in my mind regarding Christmas and tradition is family. We begin our Christmas celebration the day after Thanksgiving. It has become a tradition that the whole family comes together that Friday, heads to the Christmas tree farm and cuts down the perfect tree. We then haul our trees back to our houses and begin the decorations.

-Kathleen Williams

Christmas Eve has meant attending our church's evening service, where we celebrate and remember the BEST Christmas gift- Jesus. After the service, we head home for eggnog, Christmas cookies, and caroling. Since we are a family of musicians, we gather around the tree (with a crackling fire in the fireplace) and sing carols accompanied by our many instruments...definitely a Norman Rockwell moment.

-Dawn Bovenmyer

My family had a lot of Christmas traditions growing up, and I've chosen to continue them in our family. One thing we've done is read special stories by candlelight over the Christmas season. This came from my parents' tradition of reading together during Advent.  It didn't happen every night, but when the kids were younger, we would buy anthologies of Christian Christmas storiesand read them together at bedtime. We also would read the Christmas story from Luke. These stories helped focus us on meaningful things at Christmas, and gave us a special family time.

There have always been lots of service opportunities during the Christmas season, and we've done Christmas shoe-boxes together with grandparents, and also delivered gifts to families in need in our own area. These things have been very meaningful to our family over the years. Building traditions has really helped us focus on Christ and others, while giving us meaningful family time that has bonded us together.

 -Karen Haring

Our family loves to eat together, and we always ate Chinese food on Christmas Eve after the services (where we served as a whole family), or before the midnight service (when we had one). Giving the gift of the Faithwalkers conference to our kids has become a tradition. I design a "coupon," wrap it, and put it under the tree.

 -Louise Martin

Every year we carefully unpack our nativity scene and place it in a central location of the house along with our other Christmas decor that recognizes Jesus as the coming king like "Wise men still seek Him."  When the kids were young we would read the account of Jesus coming to the world from the gospels and let them act out the story simultaneously with the figurines.  It was fun and lively! And when people come to our house, they see what our Christmas means to us.

 Our traditions have grown in the last four years to include "The Outsider Christmas: Away in a Manger!" This is Open Range Fellowship's primary outreach each year to the community and our whole family participates in this drama with a live nativity scene with live animals. I suppose I would say that our tradition is to make the most of every opportunity at hand in seeing other people come to know Jesus Christ!

-Terry Putthoff

October 2011

Dear Sisters,

This month we are discussing the "empty-nest" phase of life. When our children grow and leave the home, it can be a soul-searching time. In the following articles, several wives share their experiences and thoughts on how to get through this transition with faith, joy, and a greater understanding of who we are in Christ.

Although for some of you this topic seems light-years away from your present mothering experience, I trust that this will be a blessing to everyone. I read a book on the empty nest two years before I sent off my last child to college. At that time it didn't affect me much one way or another. I thought, "What's the big deal?" Now that Paul, our youngest of eight, has moved in with his two older brothers nearer to campus, I really "get" what the big deal is all about!

I hope you find grace and encouragement here whenever you find yourself in your own empty-nest "time of need."

Much grace to you,

Sandy Hopler

What has helped you in your transition into the "empty-nest" phase of life?

I officially "retired" a year ago this fall. Our youngest son of seven graduated and enrolled in community college, so this seasoned "home-school marm" put away the books, red pens, calculator, and school supplies, and shut her school room closet for nine months. I needed time to let life settle before truly cleaning things out.

I didn't rush out and jump into dozens of new activities or land a part-time job. Instead, I opted to relax and catch my breath after over thirty years of managing a crew of kids. Even though I had been slowly transitioning as each of our children grew up and left home, it was still kind of like grieving. I didn't want to make any major changes after the "loss" of my long-held position of "mother in residence."

What I DID do was seek the Lord. I tried to spend longer times alone with Him, soaking up the Word, praying about all of my GROWN kids and grandkids and my dear husband, and seeking His direction for my future days.

As the months passed, God confirmed what I long suspected. Empty nest years offer amazing opportunities to explore and expand what God has already "hinted at" during those busy and consuming years of mothering. For me it has proven to be a beautiful and natural transition, as many of those interests and serving areas that I've dabbled in for years are developing into passionate and effective areas of ministry.

Most importantly, I have seen that the main priorities of my life haven't changed. Partnering with my husband has never been so fun. Entertaining in our home, reaching out to neighbors, doing projects, and serving together in our church's care ministry are all things I have done for years with Dave, but I now have more time to devote myself to them and with God's help, hone my skills.

Caring for my kids continues, just in different scenarios. Because I don't have a job, I am more available to visit and serve them, babysit grandkids, help them with projects, and even attend the births of my grandchildren!

As you can see, empty-nesting hasn't been so much a major shift or change, abruptly changing course in my life. Rather it has been just an ever-deepening, joyful continuum of what I've given my life to the past many years: loving and serving my King, my husband, my family, and my church.

---Dawn Bovenmyer

So much of what a wife can give herself to when her time is freed up from raising children depends largely on her individual gifting, but also her husband's desires for how she should devote her time. This can vary couple to couple. Some women may want to finish their degree now that they have more time, or take on a long-desired hobby. The Lord may open up foreign mission work opportunities for the husband and wife together. But it's important for a wife to keep a strong role in the home, and to have the husband's approval of her desires and plans.

My own husband wanted me to be less a partner in his work as much as a "refuge" in the home where he could be eager to come for rest from work. Therefore I was now more available, for example, when Herschel wanted to bring guests into our home with very little notice. I was a help to him in his work in a local university church, when I used my gifts and experience to volunteer-teach cooking classes to Korean students, helping them with their English and sharing the gospel with them. We enjoyed having three young men who were growing in the Lord living with us at one time. I felt like a mother to so many of these young people we became involved with after our own children were grown and living away from us.

Now in our 80's, Herschel and I are very near our own family again, living with them in fact. I have been able to help our children with their families, even to help home-school some grandchildren! Our children still seek out and value our input. Your own influence with your children will certainly continue. You never stop being a mother!

 ---Mardean Martindale

"Empty-nesters"-WOW-never thought we would be there!

So, when we were young and had a couple of kids, Pat asked me if we could go on dates and not talk about the kids. I looked at him like he was crazy because I felt the children would be our life-ALWAYS! It was so difficult! Well, thirty years later, we are together and have a history of investing in our younger years, cultivating a friendship and romance that brought us to this point of embracing and celebrating US!

Don't hear me say, "We couldn't wait for our kids to be gone." But the truth is, they grow up and move on in their lives and we take a support role. Yet Pat and I still remain together. I am SO thankful Pat had the "look ahead " vision for our relationship, to ask us to be intentional about being a couple even in the midst of raising our wonderful children.

Jesus always kept His passion for His church. If my marriage is to be a picture of Christ and the church, then my attention should be devoted to being passionately in love with the man with whom God has blessed me.

---Cindy Sokoll

A few years ago, when I realized I was approaching the "empty-nest" years, I started praying that the Lord would prepare me for this new phase of life. I was beginning to look forward to doing some of the things that I had been putting off doing all the years when I was busy with the kids. There would be lots of opportunities ahead, but God began revealing to me that I had many fears about the future.  

First of all, I knew that my husband Tom, a campus preacher, was hoping that I would travel with him more. I had some fears related to that.  It has definitely been out of my comfort zone to travel, and I had to confront my fear of witnessing, of being around people I don't know very well, and my fear of not living up to others' expectations. 

Secondly, I realized that over the years, I had tended to use my kids as an excuse for not doing things that felt uncomfortable. I found that my home was becoming a retreat where I could "be safe." Living in fear is not the way God would want anyone to live. Fear keeps us from blessing others and loving others. 

I pictured Jesus standing at an open door, and waiting for me to walk through it - away from all these fears.  And I remember actually telling Him, "Lord, if You take my hand and walk with me through this door, I will." As I began to trust Him with these fears, I started changing.  I began reaching out to my neighbors more, traveling a little more with Tom, and letting God love others through me. 

I'll give you an example of how God began working in me.  One morning soon after this, I saw my next-door neighbor outside, cleaning off her driveway.  Instead of staying inside my house, looking out and wondering about her, I initiated.  I told her that I thought it was nice that she could take the day off work, but she said that she had been let go.   After listening to her and seeing that she was upset, I asked if I could pray for her. She later told me that she expected me to just go home and pray, and it surprised her when I asked if I could pray for her right then.  So right there in her driveway I prayed for her, and then we talked a little further.  It was such a simple thing, but it meant so much to her.  We began praying together daily after that, and then we started reading the Bible together regularly.  We have become close friends, and I have seen the Lord touch her heart and meet some very deep needs in her life. She has been so appreciative - God showed me that a very simple act of kindness can have such a tremendous effect on someone. What did it take?  For me, it was walking with Jesus "through that door" and away from my fears.  By the way, I have since volunteered to be the official "greeter" for our neighborhood association! 

God wanted to set me free to serve Him in these empty-nest years, and as I continue to walk with Him, I find that He is opening up lots of opportunities to love, serve and witness! I can honestly say that I am "smiling at the future."  And I hope that in the years ahead, as it says in Psalm 92:14, "even in old age they will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green!"

---Roz Short

September 2011

Dear Sisters,

Nothing can compare with the joy of leading someone to Jesus Christ. To share the gospel and to see a person pass from death to life--Wow! What a thrill!

For years I have shared the gospel with my sister, praying that she would come into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Recently she has responded to the message of grace and has begun attending Bible studies at a gospel-preaching church in her area. We discuss God's Word together and find ourselves encouraging each other's faith. My physical sister is now my sister in the Lord!

I think you will really enjoy the following articles by these ladies. These testimonies will whet your appetite to be involved in the greatest work of all-proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. May the Lord fulfill His Word through us: "The Lord gives the command; the women who proclaim the good tidings are a great host" (Psalm 68:11).

In Christ,

Sandy Hopler

What are some practical steps you have taken to reach out to the lost?

One of my most recent and fruitful steps in reaching out to the lost was responding to a Facebook post by a neighbor. She was going through a personally painful time, sharing details through her Facebook page. God moved me to respond to her, offering to be someone she could talk with, and be a help to her on her personal spiritual journey. She replied "yes" to me that same day.

My neighbor came over for coffee, and we talked for three hours. She also attended church with me that weekend, and we began the Bible study together, Begin In Christ. She brought her family to church the following Sunday, including her ex-husband and children.

The Bible study has been amazing. We went through the gospel of Christ thoroughly. Doing so unearthed so much: her family history, faith history, and her present set of difficult circumstances. I couldn't tell if she was truly saved, but she felt she was a believer and going to Heaven. I decided she had trouble 'believing' her position in Christ.

Long story short, two months later, when we got to the verse in Revelation 3:20 about Jesus standing at the door and knocking, saying "Open the door," my new friend stated, "God has told me to open the door to Him. I have been keeping Him at arm's length. I need to invite Him in." So there, at my kitchen table, she prayed and accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior!

It's been the most awesome experience. I've told people, "Everyone needs a friend like this in their lives, to take through a Bible study and see them get saved, and see them so hungry for God and responsive to the truth." And I also believe everyone needs to take someone through the Begin In Christ series of studies. It's so thorough.

So, from now on, instead of just reading through a tract with someone, I'm going to ask people if they'd like to do a Bible study. First Corinthians 3:6 says, "My job was to plant the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God, not we, who made it grow." I have had the privilege and pleasure of seeing God work in someone's life, and save them, right before my very eyes. "He is the one (indeed!) Who makes the seed grow" (1 Corinthians 3:7).

Ask God to give you a friend like this! Your life, and their life, will never be the same.

--Mary Knox

As a pastor's wife, who raised a big family of seven kids, I often was on the "sidelines," so to speak, when it came to sharing my faith. I was busy with my little disciples. As our children got older, we worked to equip and train them in evangelism, but I was in my home. The kids reached out to their friends at school, and we had other families in our home a lot, saved and lost.

But I didn't get a lot of personal, one-on-one time to share the gospel.

Three and a half years ago, Rick and I left Colorado and moved to Manhattan, Kansas, on a small church plant. I looked at our small team and realized that I would have to do my part in inviting people to church and talking about Jesus.

I was surprised, shocked, and humbled to see God use me and bring people to church. I had two gals pray to receive Christ when we read through a gospel tract.

Our church has now grown and God has raised up several people who want to help reach our world.

For the first time ever, I took the Outreach Class this past summer. It was a big commitment and took a lot of time and effort over ten weeks.

I read, studied, did homework, and memorized-all summer long.

I missed several classes during the summer due to different trips, but I traveled with my notebook and studied while in Indianapolis at a conference, in Pella at a niece's wedding, in Salt Lake City meeting a new grandson, then in Denver helping with another new grandson, on a road trip to Wisconsin with my mom and sisters, and finally in Seattle on a church visit with my husband (not counting several day trips to Omaha).

I passed the final, just barely, but I passed!

Since then, I have had several opportunities to go through the Bridge Diagram with different gals, and I look forward to more opportunities.

So, my practical tips on how to reach the lost?

- Step out of your comfort zone.

- Study to give yourself some confidence.

- Open your mouth and believe God to use you.

--Neva Whitney

Since my husband pastors a campus church, where my daughter attends, and I have a son who dual enrolls at a community college, I have taken advantage of the opportunities these settings hold to reach out. Over the years I have taken the Outreach Class, a 15-week class using Ron Tewson's Outreach Manual, quite a few times to try to sharpen my tools for effective evangelism. We have had each of our kids also go through the program, sometimes starting as young as 4th grade, helping them to memorize the accompanying scripture and learn the Bridge Diagram.

During the school year, I have purposed to go to either to the community college or the university once a week for an hour to share the gospel. I usually take one or more of my kids, and meet up with my son and daughter, as well as some others. Typically, we use a questionnaire to engage in a conversation.

This determination to get up and go to campus has been such a blessing in developing a heart for the lost, not only in my life, but my children's lives too. God has whetted their appetite to be fishers of men and kept mine eager.

--Jan Gordon

Reaching the lost has been something I have been committed to for many years, but equally something that I have been "hit and miss" on. After a Faithwalkers conference two years ago I was freshly challenged to make the most of opportunities with unbelievers. This has resulted in two major changes.

First, I have made it a practice now to carry tracts in my purse. I have them in a pocket next to my wallet. When I'm at a store, garage sale, or "wherever" paying for my purchase or interacting with others, I offer a tract saying something like, "I'd like to give you one of these. It tells how you can know for certain where you are headed when you die. It's something great to know." Being cheerful, showing interest in that person, and smiling only reinforce the message that I am offering them.

The other practice that powerfully goes along with this is prayer. Before going into a store or to an event, I often pray that God leads me in my conversations with those I bump into. Also, after offering a tract and leaving that person, I try to pray for them...that they would read the tract, that the Spirit would speak powerfully to them, and draw them to be born-again.

My husband and I have tried to implement these strategies as we go through our days...whether traveling via the airlines, eating out at restaurants, or simply living in our neighborhood. We have invited neighbors over for meals, and had great opportunities to share the gospel or at least leave a tract with them during our visit. Praying for neighbors is also a powerful way to eternally influence their lives.

The most surprising thing has been the responses that I have received. Very seldom has anyone been surly or rude with me. Instead, I have found people to be very interested, or at least willing to take the tract and even talk about spiritual things. This has certainly made it easier to be bold with the gospel, and with the Spirit's help, I'll just keep growing and learning more and more how to be a better-equipped ambassador for Jesus.

-- Dawn Bovenmyer

August 2011

 Dear Sisters,

When we met, my husband and I were completely unfamiliar with each other's families. Although we were both from Cleveland, Ohio, we didn't meet until we got saved through a church in a different city than our families. But as we got to know one another, some of our first conversations together were about our parents and siblings.

Whether you have been married for several decades or completely new to life with the in-laws, you know how important your relationships are with the family of your spouse. The fact that your spouse is a pastor gives added weight to the significance of the quality of those relationships, as there is such a desire to affect our loved ones for Christ.

Two wives give us their help and perspectives on loving and serving the families they married into. Whether we have had great experiences with our in-laws, or struggled with differences or conflicts, there is always God's grace to help us this day. May we continue to trust in the Lord to bring His light and love into our family times!

Love,

Sandy Hopler

How has God helped you overcome challenges in coming into your husband's family?

Understanding a New Family Culture

I have been privileged to have my mother-in-law living in an apartment that is connected to our house for the last 15 years. She has, so far, been in pretty good health so she is relatively independent, even after voluntarily giving up her driver's license a few years ago.

For me, the most helpful thing in my relationship with her has been "understanding." When we were first married, it was sometimes difficult to visit my husband's parents because their "rules" were so different than I was used to. Every time we went, I armed myself with the verses from Colossians 3:12-13, "So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other."

The more I interacted with Chris' family members, the easier it became to accept them. "A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out" Proverbs 20:5. So I decided to ask questions:

What were your parents like?Where did you grow up?What was it like to be in that neighborhood?What were your experiences like with your own in-laws?What was your greatest joy?What was the most difficult thing you did?Etc. etc.

As I learned about them I gained a lot of insight into the reasons and motivations behind many of their behaviors. Every family has a "culture" and an established way of doing things. Understanding the reasons why has helped me to accept and adapt.

Virginia Biang

West Lafayette, Indiana

In-Law Desert

For both my husband Pat and myself, our in-law journey has been an uphill walk. Each of us for different reasons, were not well received by the other's family. Our path needed to be one of faith and not of sight.

Our relational difficulties were certainly provoked and incubated in our lost condition. We had formed certain habits prior to faith that made our witness harder to believe and caused suspicions of our genuineness. We had quite radical spiritual conversions and following Jesus led to some abrupt life style changes. I started my relationship with my in-laws, at least the females, in a deep hole and lost ground quickly. It seemed that I could not replace the "one" they had chosen for Pat. As a consequence, I would describe life with my in-laws to be very strained and distant. There was much harsh and unkind treatment from them whenever we were together at family gatherings. Most of the family has since apologized for this treatment.

I think there are three significant principles that still help and enable us to endure and even prosper as a couple in a relatively hostile environment. The first principle was "leave and cleave" (Genesis 2:24). A significant part of my ability to practice the other two principles was the fact that Pat aggressively defended me to his family. He made it clear that we were now the primary relationship, one flesh, and nothing would separate us. This was hard to understand for a family that positioned the in-laws on the outside of family pictures, in case someone got divorced! Pat's stand gave me great confidence to endure the challenges.

The second principle that helped us prosper was the promise "blessed are the peace makers" (Matthew 5:9). God is really pleased by those who seek peace as more important than their "rights." This was a promise that gave me strength in many tense and hurtful situations. Regardless of how I was treated, I could seek peace and pursue it and know that God was pleased and would also bless!

The third principle is "overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:21). What a blessing to walk in the assurance that good will always triumph over evil. Always, every time, in His time, good will win! Certainly our faith was severely tested. But God has proven His word over and over in this area. Eventually people break themselves against the goodness of God.

As I write today, God is making a way for more extended family relationships to be built on His Word and not my personality and charm! Still some are very challenging and we are trusting God for those.

I hope there are not many wives with a story like mine. But even if the challenges were far worse for you, God's faithfulness has convinced me of the truths that will grant a way of peace through very challenging relationships.

This experience has surely shaped our idea of being IN-LAWS of our children's spouses! And we love and are thankful for those that God has given so far!

Serving Christ Together,

Cindy Sokoll

Loveland, Colorado

July 2011 

Dear Sisters,

What a joy and privilege it is to be a mom, and what a great responsibility is entrusted to mothers, too. I will always remember the rush I felt when, after the hospital birth of my first child, my roommate announced to me "Now you are somebody's mother!"

Thankfully, God knows we need to operate by more than feelings as we love, nourish, and train our children. It's just not possible without His "training manual," God's Word.

Five seasoned and godly mothers share their favorite Bible verses that have guided them and their husbands through raising their children. As I read their thoughts, I am freshly inspired to be faithfully in the Word and to share it with my family. Then it will not be my efforts but His grace that will change us more and more into His image!

In His grace,

Sandy Hopler

What verse has helped you the most in being a mother to your children - and why?

The greatest Mom verse of all time is:

"And I will most gladly spend and be expended for your souls. If I love you the more, am I to be loved the less?" 2 Corinthians 12:15

Spend and be expended - that pretty much says it all. Moms lay down their life day after day, night after night, week after week, and year after year. They do this for decades. It's hard work. Yes, there are rewards. But the work is hard, nonstop and relentless.

The verse says "gladly" spend and be expended. That always was a 'check' to my spirit. I did not always succeed, but I sure tried. I felt it was my responsibility to smile, as that's what God always wanted from me. Being a mom is not just a duty; it's a privilege. Being a mom is a work that can only be done well, if it is done with joy.

As wives and moms, we cannot fall into this world's way of complaining about the time children take or the interruptions and inconveniences they can cause. We tend to hear so much complaining! Our children are our God-given disciples and they will define most of our daily schedule and when all is said and done - our life's work!

A joyful mother should set the atmosphere in the home, even when sleep-deprived or buried under a pile of laundry and bathroom messes.

Being a mom is such a God-given privilege. Our children are a blessing and a gift - from God's own hand.

- Neva Whitney

I have to say that it took much more than "a" verse to have, to raise, to train, and to love children through the years. But HOW faithful God was/is to daily meet my needs in this area. Now there are thousands of verses, and consequently, lots of dying to self, transforming work, and joy. The following few verses have been like anchors of encouragement and strengthening to my soul. Even though this isn't the place to dwell on all the ways they've ministered to me, God will use them mightily for any who will "chew" on them.

To begin with, of course, was the realization of what God really said about children - they are a gift from the Lord, a reward from Him. Choosing His perspective was huge.

The Lord then used something Mardean Martindale told me, to give a whole new, eternal perspective on raising children: "Our children belong to the Lord; they are His. It's as if He comes to us and says, 'I have a precious person to raise, and I'd like to place him/her in your family so that you can do this for Me over the next 18 years or so. Give it your very best as you do this for Me.'"

It was exciting to realize that one of my life purposes in Col. 1:28-29 would now include my children: "We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me." How motivating!

John 12:24: "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." I didn't need to try to keep "holding on to my life." What a promise when I felt like I was kind of disappearing. But THIS is what we've wanted: multiplication.

Isa. 58:10-11: (Again, what a promise when I felt 'poured out.' Notice who is benefitted, and by Whom.) "And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

I Tim. 2:15: (This may not be the exact theological interpretation, but God definitely uses it to keep setting me straight.) "But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love, and holiness with propriety." Through all the hours and days of childrearing, the endless tasks and emotional strains, will I CONTINUE in faith, trusting that God is involved in my moments, allowing them for my good, and a very present help as I look to Him? Would I CONTINUE in love...doing what's best for them and my husband, not holding on to my own life- learning how best to build and train them? Would I CONTINUE in holiness, not giving in to sins of anger or fear or anything else...and repent and make it right if I did? This helped me to remember that raising children was part of God's "training of me."

- Thelma Clark

When Dave and I first began having children I remember my aunt reminding me that our kiddos really belonged to God and that we were just their perfectly appointed guardians. What a great thought: our family is God's flock and He is our Shepherd.

As Shepherd, He ultimately does the tending. He knows and understands my kids like no one else, and through His Spirit, wrestles with their hearts. He loves them more intensely than I even will, and pursues them with a passion.

He uses my parenting-strengths and weaknesses-to accomplish His purposes in their lives, and I love this, He gently leads me as their mom. I can be hard on myself, often putting my efforts down, yet God lovingly offers me grace, patience, and forgiveness, flawlessly balanced with a firm, guiding hand. He's their shepherd AND mine, because we all need His care under His ever-watchful eye.

- Dawn Bovenmyer

Looking well to the "ways" of our household takes time and effort. It involves praying for our children and evaluating with our husband what God wants us to help our children grow in, and setting some goals for them. About twice a year I write down each of my children's names and ask God what he or she needs to grow in. Often, my husband and I then discuss these and I ask for his suggestions, and I purpose to watch for these "ways."

"Not eating the bread of idleness", to me, means training and disciplining my children toward these goals. It means being alert, "looking" to what standards my husband and I have discussed, and purposing to help my children. It means going to his room and checking on what he is doing and maybe redirecting him so that what he is doing is more purposeful. It means asking them about what they read in their quiet times, so that they are being held accountable. It means involving yourself in their quarrel, when they are not pursuing peace. It is easy to overlook sins in our children, especially when it is inconvenient...or could the overlooking be a symptom of idleness? We are all tempted to miss some of these things and not be consistent. I am challenged with this.

I try to look at consistency in the same way as going through childbirth. If I take advantage of each labor pain, allowing each contraction to do its work fully, it may mean one less labor pain toward birth. And with our children, the labor pains are disobediences. If I take advantage of training my child during this act of disobedience, bringing him or her to full submission, it may be one less spank (or more) when he gets older, for he has learned to obey the first time.

- Jan Gordon

"Pray without ceasing, pray all the time, pray perseveringly, pray continually, never stop praying" are all versions of the same verse.

Thelma Clark's words ring in my memory often: "Turn your thoughts into prayers." We rarely stop thinking of our kids, true?

So turn those thoughts into prayers. Just like we should impress the Word on our children, we should be praying for them: "...when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" Deuteronomy 6:7.

Enjoy the time of praying for your children. It may be one of the most wonderful things you can do for them!

- Mary Knox

June 2011 

Our question this month focuses on the wife's role of "helper" to her husband, and how God's Word is her support in that role.

"Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him'" (Genesis 2:18).

My husband has often pointed out to me that the best test of whether your service and efforts are helping someone is if that person desires that help, and feels helped. It has taken time and humbling for me as a wife and mother to believe this truth! It reminds me of a Family Circus cartoon in which the kids tell Dad, while pulling on their sweaters, "Mommy's cold." We can often take our own needs and project them on others. Am I truly a student of my husband's needs and desires? Or am I pursuing my own agenda?

One wife responded to our question this month with this comment: "I knew his desires and goals for our family and put forth my time and best efforts to help make them reality." The wives in our churches have been this kind of godly example to me through the years, and I am so very thankful for you all!

Blessings,

Sandy Hopler

What verse has helped you the most in your being a helper to your husband--and why?

Ephesians 5:22

As I pondered this verse, I realized that one phrase has helped me most in being a helper to my husband: "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22).

Whether it's embracing God's purpose of being a helper and companion to my husband, and bringing Him good every day of my life­-or whether it's following His commands to wives-the bottom line is my heart toward God and being pleasing and yielded to Him. It's all about my relationship to God, and He will be the one to reward me accordingly.

This truth has carried me, and continues to carry me, through the difficult times. Hard discussions are resolved when I realize that even if I might be right, my anger and frustration are wrong before the Lord. Just acknowledging that to God as I strive to please Him makes all the difference. It is like the story of Pilate's wife who heard in a vision that Jesus was a righteous man who shouldn't be killed. She was "right", but knowing that God's redemptive plan was accomplished through the "wrong" decision of her husband reminds me that I'm only responsible for what He asks of me, submitting "as to the Lord." I can leave to my husband his responsibility before the Lord to be the head. --Thelma Clark

Proverbs 3:5-6

I've been learning recently the value of being more sensitive and attentive to God's voice in my life every day.

The verses in Proverbs 3:5-6 have taken on a new significance-"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (NASB). This applies especially to those moments when I sense His gentle nudges to lead me through my husband's requests or suggestions.

In these "nudge" moments, I can choose to trust God and recognize His appointed authority in the person of my husband, Mark. Instead of letting my excuses manipulate him or allowing my fears or stubbornness get in the way, I can fit in with Mark's plans and promptings. That way I'll hopefully be opening up, through faith, more opportunities for God to bless and enrich our marriage in His wonderful ways, big or small. I'll have more chances to express my gratitude for the Lord's divine direction in my life by saying once again, "Thank you Lord for leading me." --Kathy Darling

Genesis 1:18

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18, NIV).

I've often been asked through the years, "What do you do?" Though my response has usually been, "I'm a homemaker," or "I home-school my kids," I wonder if I shouldn't rather have answered, "I'm my husband's helper," for that is truly my highest calling as a wife.

Helping your man is played out in so many ways, fitting uniquely to each individual marriage relationship. For me, helping Dave has meant buying groceries and faithfully serving healthy meals day after day for 36 years. Each time I put clean socks in his drawer, iron a shirt, pack a lunch, run an errand, or varnish a window, I am thankful that I can serve him and free him up to be about other things.

Caring for our kids over the years has been all about helping my man. I knew his desires and goals for our family, and put forth my time and best efforts to help make them a reality. From potty training to schooling, arranging swim lessons, piano lessons, and Tae Kwon Do...I've been his right hand assistant in raising our kids.

Caring for our home, offering hospitality to guests, and most of all welcoming my hubby home each day are great ways that refresh and encourage Dave and say, "I'm so glad I can lovingly come alongside and help you."

What I do may not seem all that important to outsiders looking at my life, but I know that I hold a privileged position as helper to my husband. And I know that God is pleased that I take Him seriously with His high calling for my life. --Dawn Bovenmyer

With approximately 30 families, River Ridge Church planted a second campus in Teays Valley, WV in the fall of 2008. The church decided on a model of "one church in two locations." While each of the five pastors concentrate their ministry efforts on specific campuses, both campuses are served by a plurality of leadership. The Teays Valley campus has been meeting in a local elementary school, which has provided opportunities to minister to the staff and teachers. One of the highlights of the year is the church's annual Big Kick Soccer Camp, a week-long soccer camp for elementary school students, where the kids receive not only soccer instruction, but also the truth of the Gospel.

In the three years since its planting, the people of River Ridge have boldly reached into their neighborhoods, and God has blessed that faithfulness with lives being changed by the Gospel and people being baptized. In January, the church began having two services to serve the growing number of families who had begun attending River Ridge. The Teays Valley campus is actively pursuing property in the Teays Valley area in order to reach this community for many years to come. As God continues to widen the geographic influence of River Ridge into surrounding communities, the pastors are always seeking to identify leaders for a future church plant. Check out River Ridge Church, Teays Valley, West Virginia: www.riverridge.org.

Who would have thought that two fathers would be involved with their college age children in starting a new campus ministry? It was an answer to prayer. We had been praying that the Lord would provide an opportunity to continue laboring in the gospel with our children as they got older. We hadn't considered that the Lord would answer this prayer with campus ministry. Two families, two graduating high-school seniors, and two high school juniors- this was all we needed to establish a campus ministry at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI). Although our first year was small, it provided an opportunity to work with our own children and a small group of students to help them mature and gain a vision for the lost on campus. In just three years, that little group of 12 increased four-fold. We have had the opportunity to do initiative evangelism, attend Faithwalkers, enjoy fall and spring retreats, and attend corporate worship together. Please pray with us as we are believing in God to raise up many of these young students as leaders and church planters. We are also considering how we can get involved on some of the other smaller campuses in our city. Check out The Rock IUPUI: www.therockiupui.com.

May 2011 

Dear Sisters,

Do you have a favorite verse? Is there a portion of Scripture or a particular truth from God's Word that you come to often, particularly during times of stress or trouble?

When feeling helpless or needy, I have found myself many times repeating Romans 10:13, "Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." The simplicity of His promise is so true. After I pray out loud, "Jesus, save me!" His help and grace have always come to me in some way.

Four pastors' wives share with us the verses that have encouraged them in the Lord. As the verse in the front foreword of my Bible states, "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever" (Isaiah 40:8). What a privilege to have God's Word so available to us, to comfort and guide! Women-let's get in the Word!

With you,

Sandy Hopler

What verse has encouraged you the most in your walk with God-and why?

Genesis 12:10-20, 20:5

Many verses have encouraged me, but as a pastor's wife, I think a story has encouraged me more than a verse. I shared this at the southeast pastors' wives time because I think it is so important to keep in mind.

When Abram and Sarai went to Egypt, Abram was afraid for his life. He believed the Egyptians would kill him on account of his beautiful wife, so he told Sarai to "lie" and tell the Egyptians she was his sister. Abram seemed to be looking out for himself and not trusting God. But the Bible never says Sarai disagreed with Abram's request or didn't follow it. What a bad decision Abram seemed to make. But God protected Sarai and never let any harm come to her. In fact, when they left Egypt, they left with much more than they came with. God took a bad situation, protected the couple, and blessed them in the end.

As a pastor's wife, there will be many times that you may think your husband is making a bad or unwise decision, whether it is within your family or the church. If appropriate, a respectful appeal is wise, but there will be times when the right thing to do is keep your mouth shut and know that as you follow your husband you are being protected and blessed by God. Your husband has been named a pastor because other men of character who may have walked with the Lord longer have sought the Lord about naming your husband a pastor. It is not a decision made lightly. Your husband is a man of character who is seeking to love the Lord, you, your children, and the saints wholeheartedly. Trust the Lord in this!

-Barbara Wilson

Cary, North Carolina

Psalm 139:1

I have many "favorite" verses, but Psalm 139:1 has been my all-time bedrock, "go-to" verse. It says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me." I love it! Now to some people the thought of God searching them can be intimidating, but I have learned over the years that God's "searching" is a good thing. When something is searched out, there are no hidden pieces of information. You understand every angle and are well acquainted with the subject. It implies intimacy and closeness. Someone interested enough to get the teensy-weensy details, wants to "be there," up-close and personal. I am comforted and warmed every time I read Psalm 139:1, as it reminds me that my loving Heavenly Father passionately knows and understands me, unlike any other (including myself!). No matter where I am, or what my situation, He continually studies me, all for the purpose of drawing close and blessing and meeting my needs.

-Dawn Bovenmyer

Ames, Iowa

Three Top Verses

Now this is a very broad question. The whole Bible, right? One verse? Come on! I guess I'll narrow it down to three verses. The verses that I share the most with people:

1. "Walk before Me and be blameless." (Don't be a people-pleaser) Genesis 17: 1 NASB
2. "The nearness of the Lord is my good." Psalm 73: 28 NASB
3. "God is good and what He does is good." Psalm 119:68 NIV

-Mary Knox

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Luke 1:45

A verse that has encouraged me over the years is Luke 1:45, "And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord." This verse says to me that the promises spoken by God are there for us to believe and to observe the fulfillment of them. They are steadfast, trustworthy, and worthy of our focus. A heart of faith, ready to believe and see God do His work, will be rewarded (Hebrews 11:6). Fear and doubt will not be rewarded.

We must have our focus be on Him and His promises. We all desire our children to follow the Lord and, with 11 children, I have held fast to this verse when my heart wants to fear. I believe that God wants to uniquely use each of my children and I can confidently trust Him in this, for this is His heart also. One by one I am claiming that God will capture his/her heart for Himself. Within the last two months, five of my children have been a part of a gospel presentation and brought someone to come to know the Lord. He is faithful and will fulfill. To God be all the glory!

-Jan Gordon
Gainesville, Florida

April 2011

Dear Sisters,

Spring brings new beginnings-and so we begin a new series, "Questions for Pastors' Wives."

We've all wished at times we could sit down with another wife to discuss a tough issue, or find out how someone else handled a situation we've never encountered before. Even better, imagine the chance of being in a room with six godly, wise women, and they're ready and willing to talk about their experiences in supporting their pastor husband!

Well, we've asked a number of you to respond to a few questions that we will cover during the next twelve months---and we've gotten great responses back! Hopefully, you will find these discussions helpful and relevant to your busy life.

It seemed to me that the advice the wives offered for April's question could be categorized into five "top tips." I hope you find in this "combined wisdom" help and encouragement in all you do for the Lord Jesus and His kingdom.

In Christ's service,

Sandy Hopler

---

Advice for a New Pastor's Wife

Suppose there is a woman whose husband was appointed to be an elder last Sunday morning. What advice would you give her in her role as a pastor's wife?

Tip #1.) You are not the elder-he is.

I would remind her that she was not appointed. Her fundamental job description has not changed. Her priorities are the same as they were before - her God first, her husband, then her family and home, followed by the church and the lost.

When Christians might tend now to bend her ear, to ask her a question to pass on to her husband, she needs to hold her tongue and say, "I don't know. You should probably talk to my husband." And if she does this, the questions and counsel will fade. And then people will recognize that they need to talk to her husband and she won't have to be an intermediary.

-Neva Whitney

Many times church members assume that because you are a pastor's wife, you know EVERYTHING that there is to know about church planning and events, and that you have very nearly met the requirements for being a pastor yourself! I have often resorted to this humorous line when asked a question that I either honestly don't know, or feel I shouldn't be put in the position to answer: "I don't know, I'm just the pastor's wife!"

-Dawn Bovenmyer

We as wives can slowly become co-pastors with our husbands and that takes a lot of energy away from us both. I choose to take that energy (and so does Pat) and spend it on us--as a couple! Pat has other men in his life to lead and share burdens with--others called by God and other godly men.

-Cindy Sokoll

1. Be humble. Learn from the other pastor's wives. If it's multi-staff, find a wife with whom you resonate, and ask her to mentor you.

2. Be very humble. Becoming an elder's wife does not mean you have arrived. People put you up on pedestals. I tell them, "Get me off that pedestal, right now!" Be humble, be authentic, be open, and be real.

3. You are the wife; your husband is the elder. Tell people that.

-Mary Knox

Tip #2.) You are his helpmate-he needs you.

God daily gives me opportunities to do good for Dave, whether it's something "small" like washing his clothes or preparing him a meal, or something "large" like helping conduct a seminar. I often ask Dave, "How can I help you today? Is there something you want me to do?" Not only should I eagerly ask this question, I should be ready to do what he asks.

What he appreciates more than anything is my listening ear. I like to view myself as his supportive sounding board, not so much to give answers, but rather to give reflective feedback that helps him in formulating his own solutions before the Lord.

-Dawn Bovenmyer

As your husband sees your faith, that you are believing God to really work in the problems and burdens of the church (without trying to "relieve" him or fix the people or problems), it will help him put his eyes on the Lord and His promises.

The best way to help a leader is to be a good follower. As others see you eagerly following his leadership, it will affect their view of his leadership.

-Thelma Clark

Tip #3.) Your contentment brings him joy and blessings.

One of the best ways we can help our husbands is to not only free them up by managing our homes and families well, but by being content. If we're unhappy with the time we have together or money or things or whatever, it puts pressure and strain on them to "please their wives." Go to God with these needs, knowing that He can change your husband or meet needs some other way, or the Lord may choose to satisfy you in your present circumstances.

-Thelma Clark

I would remind her also, that her husband may shield her from 90% of his conversations and she should not feel left out or overlooked. But that he is only protecting her.

-Neva Whitney

Tip #4.) Meet the challenges in your new role with faith.

Pray for them [husband] more than for anyone else. I've enjoyed having a list of prayer needs laminated above my kitchen sink. Then I can just look at one item and be praying it throughout the day. When we pray for them and all that concerns them, we're able to enter into the joy of what God does for and through them. Regularly say things to the children like, "Isn't it wonderful daddy can be helping those people tonight to love the Lord more?" With them, in prayer, thank God for him and ask God to bless his work.

-Thelma Clark

As Oswald Chambers once wrote, "God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede." Learn to quickly give those problems and "insights" of people's needs to God and not carry them yourself to fret over. End your conversations in prayer.

-Dawn Bovenmyer

I would remind her that her husband has demonstrated an ability to manage his own family - and that she can be secure in that.

-Neva Whitney

After I married Jonathan in 2004, I then felt the old, comfortable position had completely changed and I was now a "new member" of Grace Community Church - a once familiar church became very unfamiliar as I was now seeing things from a very different perspective. It was unusual, uncomfortable, exciting and very much a time of being re-defined and refined. I no longer seemed to fit into the role that I once held in the church and was now, all of a sudden, in a "new" role as "pastor's wife." It took some time for me to feel settled... I had to ask God for His grace, wisdom, blessings and most of all, for His direction, which included a smoothing of my very rough edges. God does indeed give to those in need (and I was in need). God also does stretch us into the role that He destined for us. He will sometimes move us gently and other times push us right in so that we can have a strong impact for His ministry through our husband's life.

-Kathleen Williams

Tip #5.) Intimacy is a priority in your marriage.

As a pastor's wife, I have the privilege of meeting my man's most intimate needs emotionally and physically. Regardless of the demands of family and household, Dave is my number one priority. Proverbs 31:12 has been a tremendous verse for gauging what I am giving myself to. "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

-Dawn Bovenmyer

My first thought is, you did not marry The Pastor. You married a man who made your heart skip a beat. Remember to take time to play and romance that pastor! It truly is a forgotten art. I am called to "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-for your love is more delightful than wine!" (Song of Songs 1:2) I truly believe this is a part of living out the gospel. It will bring much glory to God when our heart beats for our spouse, if we truly are a picture of Christ and His bride, the church. Let him pastor the church and let him be your heartbeat! Have fun and enjoy one another to the fullest! Pat and I run away often (short trips) and don't talk about the church or children, to always keep our fire burning. I truly think this makes a healthy pastor and pastor's wife! He is my lover, and by vocation, a pastor.

-Cindy Sokoll

And some wise additional advice that I appreciated about relationships within the pastors' wives community:

And assuming that I am her sister in that same church, I would work to make sure that the two of us had a good relationship, a growing friendship, and that the lines of communication were always open between us. I would remind her again that if either of us had questions or needed any counsel or support from each other, we should not hesitate to call. I would work to get to know her even better and look for opportunities to help her and serve her and pray for her. And I would adopt her as a "daughter," since she probably is younger than I.

-Neva Whitney

Thank you, dear sisters in the Lord, for your encouraging words of guidance not just for new pastors' wives, but also for our whole community of "sisters on the wall."

The first International Student Ministry (ISM) Conference was in May 2008. The vision for the conference was twofold: First, to equip one another with better ministry-understanding and skills for ISM. Second, to affirm the strategic mission opportunity to make disciples among the 700,000 international students studying in the U.S., and then take that vision back to our churches. Fourteen churches have been involved in the conference over the last three years. Former international students, volunteers and staff, are some of the key speakers at these conferences. These conferences are helping GCC churches to fulfill our part of the Great Commission in our lifetime by praying and working towards:

This year's ISM Conference is May 13-14 in Lincoln, NE, and the cost is only $10. For more information on this conference, visit http://www.harvest-ne.org/ism.

There is considerable uncertainty that has crept through the minds of many aspiring missionaries: Do I need to be called to go into mission work? What is even considered a "calling?" I've been there. I wanted an objective and specific calling, but I realized that God would not slip a post-it under my door with an assigned people group and language. Of course it would be absurd for one not to forgive another until he felt he had a specific calling from God to do so. I was acting the same way regarding the Great Commission-as if some are called to it and others are not. Scripture makes it clear that we're all called to forgive. Scripture also makes it clear that we're all to obey the Great Commission. I began to realize that Christ calls us all to the Great Commission, whether we stay or go. I was informed about a future church planting effort in Pamplona, Spain. I sought counsel, and realized that as a Spanish speaker, God could use me in Spain in ways that many of my brothers in Minneapolis couldn't be used, and that those brothers could easily fill my shoes if I were to go. Scripture was all the calling I needed to jump on board in the Great Commission. I don't have a romantic Martin Luther lightning bolt story. I don't think we need one either. A Bible and a map will do just fine.

March 2011

Dear Sisters,

I like to read instructions. I enjoy the confidence I get by studying a manual or receiving thorough explanations before I try a new project. Studying through Titus 2 with our pastors' wives over the past year, I felt like I was getting expert instruction in the most important "project" of my life--glorifying God by fulfilling my own role of a Christian wife and mother, and teaching younger women to do the same. Every letter of the series was useful and encouraging.

Our article this month by Sharon Wong (and contributions by Fran Miller) reminds me how instructive it is to watch someone accomplish a difficult task, especially if it's a task I want to do, and do well. Not only are Sharon and Fran wonderful examples of the obedient Titus 2 woman, but they also have mentored a group of younger women for the last seven years. Sharon writes about how this group aims to encourage women to love their husbands and children.

Sharon and Fran have embraced the opportunity to share what they have lived out from the Scriptures with women who greatly need their experience. This letter encourages all of us to be women who live out our high calling to honor, obey and teach God's Word.

In His Grace,

Sandy Hopler

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Titus 2 Group

by Sharon Wong (Oak Ridge Community Church, Clarksville, Maryland)

I have greatly enjoyed the recent series that has focused on the verses in Titus 2. What joy to be reminded that as wives and moms, we have been created for a purpose with specific tasks on God's heart that we were uniquely designed to bear. And what encouragement it was to hear the practical counsel of wise women walking that same walk. Jan Gordon encouraged us to have firm convictions for our children as we love them. Carol Meyer shared with us that "to be successfully busy at home will be a reflection of the Spirit, not of your own personal ability. We must be connected to the source." Karen Haring defined being sensible as "right thinking" and "right living." I appreciated these and the contributions of other women as we explored this passage of Scripture together.

Another reason that this series of newsletters spoke to my heart is because my dear friend, Fran Miller, and I have been meeting with a small group of women for the past seven years in what we call our Titus 2 group. Maybe not the hippest name, it nonetheless reflects our focus and our hearts.

It started when two young moms in our church asked if I would be willing to meet with them for encouragement in raising their children. I pulled Frannie into the mix and soon after, the women began to invite their friends. We discussed parenting, loving our husbands, and more. The group began to grow. Over the next few years we had a house full of women, sleeping babies, and active toddlers. We now have a building to meet in, but continue to finesse things to accommodate changing needs and growing children.

Women from other churches have asked us how we got our group started. Well, it's definitely a God-thing. We could never have "planned" for it to work the way it does. However, there are some things that have helped make it successful:

1. Do it with a friend - My heart is to encourage others, but I was concerned that it might be too much for me when I was already busy raising my own children. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one," so I thought that if I did it with a friend, we could share the responsibility. Having Fran co-lead the time with me gave us the flexibility we each needed. The bonus was that we were able to build our own friendship and bring another person's perspective to the table.
2. Do it at a time that works for you and your family - We decided to schedule the time so that it suited our own schedules. It was important for us to do this in a way that kept our husbands and children as a priority in our lives. Evenings were difficult for Frannie and weekends were hard for me. That left us weekdays while working around my homeschool schedule with my daughters. We do realize that this has limited our group, but I have peace that we are doing this in the way that God has provided for us.
3. Initiate the standard of behavior and conversation while your group is small and new members will follow suit - People have noted that our group is very respectful when they discuss their marriages and children. We can't take any credit for that. I believe it is because the original women in the group had a high standard in these areas. As women joined our group they seemed to understand and adapted themselves to that standard.
4. Make room for conversation - Our meetings include books and Bible studies, but the heartbeat of our group is that someone will ask you, "How are you doing?" Often, we just go around the circle, checking in with one another. It is great to see one woman's journey spark a conversation or to hear the women minister to one another. I believe Romans 1:11-12 reflects our feeling about these times: "I long to see you that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong - that is that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."
5. What to do with the children? - It doesn't take long for the children to outnumber the adults. We've tried different ways to care for the children during the meeting. When they were small, the moms had the kids take naps at each other's house. We've had babysitters at times. Right now the moms rotate babysitting. We do emphasize that kids are always welcome. They are never an interruption because they are our priority.
6. What's our main message? - Frannie and I are there to simply love and encourage the women. Besides general encouragement, there are two main lessons they would say they have learned:

1) What they do every day as wives and moms is important in God's economy. One of my favorite promises is Hebrews 6:10, "God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them."

2) They can be purposeful in whatever they are doing. Whether we are managing a corporation or managing our household, we need to assess the needs around us and plan to meet those needs. Sometimes that might mean seeing an area of training needed in our child's life, or a discipline we need to develop in our own life.

We have loved the opportunity to come alongside these women. They have allowed us to be practical and honest with them and they have responded with sweet hearts. Watching them, I am reminded of the energy and commitment it takes in the younger years. Fran and I just want to be an encouragement to women at this stage of life. We know that if they do not grow weary in doing good, a rich harvest awaits them.

If you would like to respond to Sharon, please email info@gccweb.org.

February 2011

Dear Sisters,

We have a follow-up letter from one of our "Titus 2" series writers, Barbara Wilson. Barb wrote on having a pure heart before God. Recently, the Lord showed her even more about having a heart that is completely His. I think you'll be blessed with her transparent and humble application of her own teaching. I praise the Lord for His Holy Spirit, Who is so faithful to reveal Jesus to us and in us, as we keep our eyes on Him.

Like Barbara, let's follow her urging and "take inventory and take action" in developing a heart that is purely God's.

In Christ's love and service,

Sandy Hopler

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Pure, Part 2

by Barbara Wilson (Grace Community Church, Cary, North Carolina)

Dear Ladies,

I wanted to follow up my previous encouragement with a testimony of what God has done in my life since I wrote the article on "pure." God is so good to finish what He started - still perfecting us each day to be more like Him. So this is Pure - Part 2.

A dozen women in our church have been going through Beth Moore's book, Breaking Free. It is a wonderful book that helps her readers shed Satan's strongholds in their lives. When we chose this book, I had specific women in mind in our church who could benefit from taking this book to heart. Of course, since I've been following the Lord for 32 years, combined with being a pastor's wife, I figured I had no struggle with such strongholds. Surely I had dealt with all of them in the past. Right?

Well, a few weeks ago, God came through (as always). I'm usually a calm person until it comes to electronics - when they don't work and I have no idea how to get them to work, I get a bit...feisty. Our computer wasn't working and the "fix it" book that came with it didn't give me the answer. I angrily went to Berk, threw the help books on the counter, and LOUDLY announced that there was nothing I could do to make the computer work! He quickly addressed my attitude. I "repented," but I was still angry. Then a week later, he asked me to help him and I responded in a very ungodly way, a way that I had never responded like before. This time, I was very repentant and went to the Lord for help. Something was very wrong. I was believing a terrible lie from Satan. What was it?

When I was a young girl, my brother used to hit me in the arm and call me two names - DIS (dumb, ignorant, and stupid) or a VIP (very ignorant pig). I heard these names at least once a day for five years. My parents tried to stop him, but to no avail. I think they thought it was kind of cute, and very normal for a brother to harass his sister, but I took the names to heart and they hurt...very badly. And so I grew up believing that I was stupid. I worked hard to graduate first in my high school senior class. I got involved in lots of activities in college, even being crowned Miss Clemson, because I just wanted my parents to affirm that I wasn't stupid. Unfortunately, they never told me anything contrary to what my brother called me.

So, that was the lie. I was stupid. I got so used to the lie and I learned to live with it. I could compensate for the lie in other ways until I was around my family. Then, I would become so stressed because all I could think was "Don't do anything stupid!" And then, of course I would, and Satan would reinforce in my heart what I thought was true all along.

Isaiah 61:1-4 is a beautiful picture of breaking free from the bonds of Satan - the brokenhearted are bound up, the captives are set free, the prisoners are released from darkness, the mourners are comforted, a crown of beauty replaces ashes, and a garment of praise replaces a spirit of despair. Little did I realize that I was in this category of captives and prisoners. Beth Moore does a great job of illustrating how to replace lies with truth and rid ourselves of the shackles of Satan.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the LORD and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified. Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins, they will raise up the former devastations; and they will repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations (Isaiah 61:1-4).

So, God and I had several conversations about exposing the lies and replacing them with truth. Isaiah 61:4 says, "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." What a beautiful illustration of God's goal for each one of us; to be strong in righteousness and display His splendor.

I am still renewing my mind daily with the truth, as Satan still tries to accuse me of being stupid. I really encourage each one of you to take inventory of your heart. Don't be deceived like me into thinking that since you have walked with the Lord for so long, surely there is nothing wrong. If there are recurring attitudes or actions in your life that are contrary to God's Word, you may have a stronghold. It's so easy to stuff the sin and live with it, and be deceived into thinking you're okay. Perhaps there is someone close to you that is struggling with imbedded sin. If you have had repeated conversations with a friend, and she struggles with the same thing over and over, that's the key that Satan has his talons imbedded somewhere in her heart.

Pick up Beth Moore's book. It's worth reading and working through the steps of breaking free. We will more and more display God's splendor as we address sin in our lives, identify strongholds, believe God's truth, and apply His Word in our daily obedience.

I hope this has encouraged you to take inventory and take action. You women are an amazing demonstration to me of God's glory!

If you would like to respond to Barbara, please email info@gccweb.org.