Great Commission Churches

April 2010

Dear Sisters,

Titus 2 is a chapter of the Bible that is devoted to describing godly character. The older women are instructed to avoid being malicious gossips. Their speech must be so above reproach that they are able to be an encouragement to other women by their example and by their words.

I have received such encouragement all throughout my Christian life by our writer of this month's article. Mardean Martindale's gracious, kind words and example have taught so many of us sisters in Christ what it means to be a godly woman. In preparation of this letter I spoke with Mardean on the phone. Her love for the Lord and for all us women was so evident in her cheerful spirit. She has helped us see ourselves as Jesus sees us. She and Herschel often pray for others using Paul's prayers for the churches, and here is what she prayed with me on the phone:

"...so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge..." (Ephesians 3:17-19).

Such sweet and true words! May all of our speech be so full of God's truth that the world sees Jesus through us.

In Christ,
Sandy Hopler

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Not Malicious Gossips (Speech)

by Mardean Martindale, Oak Ridge Community Church, Clarksville, MD

Speech is such a valuable gift. With our speech we can worship and praise God, teach and love our children, encourage our husbands and other believers, and share the good news of our Savior with those who do not know Him. Our words reflect God to our families, to the world in which we live, and in our churches. When Jesus was on earth, the people marveled at the gracious words from His mouth. We know what God is like because Jesus came to this earth. Now, our families, friends, colleagues, and neighbors can know what God is like through us, His children. What an opportunity and what a challenge!

Women tend to be so verbal. That makes it much easier for us women to sin with our mouths! It's a proven fact that the Lord pinpoints in Proverbs 10:19, "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise." How many of us have left a ladies' get-together, and lost sleep that night as we ruminated over and over something we said that we regretted? Satan would love to deceive us, or prompt us to think and speak negatively, and miss the blessing that God intends for us.

How do we keep from allowing "unwholesome talk" from "coming out of (our) mouths," and speak "only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29 NIV)? We can begin with being very sensitive and cautious with the confidential information we are so often aware of because of our husbands. As pastors' wives we know so much. Our husbands are gifted with the grace to "handle" the knowledge of some very deep and troubling problems, because they have the responsibility entrusted to them. But the same knowledge can be discouraging to the wife, since she is not the one responsible and in authority. We need to trust our husbands if they decide not to include us in something particularly hurtful or defiling that has happened within the church that they are helping to resolve. It may be a guard on our mouths, to keep us from being tempted to take offense with someone, or to gossip. So instead of insisting on details when we don't need them, we can pray for wisdom for our husbands and unite with them in that way.

But when we are part of the problem and/or part of the solution, how important it is to guard our thoughts and our speech, even in prayer! Herschel and I have experienced at times, when in counseling or prayer situations, a prayer request that had been shared in too intimate of detail where I thought, "Oh, did I really need to know that?" We need to be careful what we pray about in public, when we have other people's privacy entrusted to us. Women like to fix things! We want to help, and then it's easy to say things that shouldn't be shared. It can truly lead to "malicious gossip" and instead of helping that person, we are hurting them and their reputation, by improperly sharing someone else's weaknesses "just for prayer."

When detailed problems are shared unnecessarily, even for prayer, it may make things difficult for others' faith. "A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards" (Proverbs 29:11 KJV). For example, a simple request for prayer might be met by a probing "Is anything special wrong?" More is then said than was meant to be shared, and it provides the possibility that the details may get beyond the "prayer circle." We need to be on our guard as to whether we should allow certain things to be shared...even in the context of prayer. Where others' sin is involved, it is especially tempting to sin by gossiping. Paul warned the Romans to "be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil" (Romans 16:19). In our younger years, if one of us began to gossip or bring up negative things, we would gently begin singing a little chorus to one other, "Let's Talk about Jesus!"

You know, it really is the will of God that we encourage one another daily (Hebrews 3:13). We need one another so much, we really do. Yet trying to be so cautious with our speech may even make us retreat from others. But we can always say encouraging words. It certainly helps if we are thinking rightly, and viewing those around us just as Jesus sees them. I have always loved the story of how the great missionary to China, Hudson Taylor, found the secret to this, as relayed in Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret.

Hudson went to China, living as the Chinese lived and winning them to Christ. He went back to England to bring more missionaries to China. Once in China, the new English missionaries' problems kept surfacing and causing many distractions for Hudson and his work in the gospel. His time was so consumed with reconciling relationships and dealing with conflicts that he was losing his spiritual joy. As he read the prayers of Paul for the Colossians and the Philippians, Hudson saw how Paul didn't speak of their problems. He focused on the good-they were partners in the gospel; they loved one another; they were faithful to the Lord Jesus. So Hudson prayed Paul's prayers for his fellow-laborers; he prayed they would see why God had them in China, and that they would see themselves as God saw them. What happened? Hudson Taylor's heart changed as he prayed; praying not about their problems, but for their faith and joy and Christ-likeness. His own joy and faith were restored!

We can also be such an encouragement to the others in our lives, to help them see themselves as Jesus sees them. We can choose to think of others as the Lord sees and thinks of them, to pray Paul's prayers for them; and then encouraging, truth-filled words will follow! Paul said for us to "Set your minds on things above..." (Colossians 3:2). It's not natural, but it's a choice.

Facing my own weaknesses in the areas of gossip and righteous speech, I have memorized and meditated on many verses on those topics! The following are some wonderful scriptures on the subjects of our speech and right thoughts.

• Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer (Psalms 19:14).
• For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart (Matthew 12:34b).
• We are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5b).
• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).
• Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth (Colossians 3:2).
• Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
• She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26).

Mardean Martindale

If you would like to respond to Mardean, email info@gccweb.org.