Great Commission Churches

February 2006

Dear Sisters,

February is a month that begins with thoughts of the heart and romantic love. We are instructed in Romans 12 to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is..." The world system tells us we prove our love with chocolates and Valentines. God's Word says He proved His love at the Cross.

We share this month a portion of a talk given by Jean Dunham to younger wives about Paul's instruction to older women:

"...so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."

In His love,

Sandy

Teaching the Younger

by Jean Dunham, Cottonwood Community Church, Grand Forks, ND

--Read Titus 2:3-4

I find it interesting that Paul would need to instruct the older women to teach younger women to love their husbands and love their children. Doesn't this seem so natural? Why do we need to be encouraged to do something that seems so basic? Of course I love my family. Of course you love your husbands. As I have been thinking about this section of Scripture, contemplating its meaning, I have wondered if this is especially a word for our generation. Jesus said in Matthew 24:12 speaking of the end times, "because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold." We also read in 2 Timothy 3:2 that in the last days men will become lovers of themselves. I believe our society is in this place. We live in an ungodly society, where the idea of doing what is right in your own eyes is taught; there are few moral laws. In this type of environment Jesus said that the love of many would grow cold. What seems so easy and simple becomes difficult and distorted and we can struggle and lose our way.

When a society no longer lives by principle, love becomes only a feeling and as we all know, feelings can be deceptive and fleeting. I witnessed a sad example of this a few years back that really illustrates how we can be confused and lose our way in defining and living true love. A young couple was having marriage problems; the husband had actually met another woman and wanted out of the marriage. I offered to baby sit their little girl while he and his wife got together for an afternoon to try to sort things out and perhaps save their marriage. The wife dropped off the child full of hope, and the husband came four hours later to pick up the little girl. To this day, I am haunted by those few minutes he spent in my home. He had just told his wife that the marriage was lost and he was in love with another woman and he wanted a divorce. But, he runs to his little girl and picks her up and tells her he loves her. I don't think so. He was deceived; he really didn't love her at all. He loved himself, and was fulfilling his own needs, not the needs of his daughter or his wife. This man's love had grown cold and he didn't even know it.

I would like to share a bit about my parents' lives. They are the "older teaching the younger" about a life already lived. My parents were married in 1949 and remained so until my father's death in 1996---47 years together. My aunt tells me that they were deeply in love and everyone around them could feel the connection they had with one another. And that their Catholic wedding was one of great joy and excitement. Soon after their wedding the babies began to arrive-eight in all. My mom was a registered nurse and loved her job, but gave it up to stay home with her children. And there were sacrifices; we had one bathroom for our family of ten. My dad made the single garage into a family room. My dad worked long hours running his grocery business 6am to 6pm, six days a week, and often did the books on Sunday afternoons. Still, he tried to show my mom love and every Saturday night found them out for dinner and dancing. He told me that many of those evenings he would have rather stayed home, but he knew my mom needed to get out and have a break from the kids, so he put his needs aside. Still, little by little, conflicts came and went and never got resolved, and they drifted apart emotionally. They didn't know how to handle the pressures, resolve the problems. They didn't have the Gary Smalley tapes on Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships, not the insights into the differences between men and women, or a relationship with Jesus Christ. But, the one thing they did have was commitment, a commitment to their marriage vows, for better, for worse. Well, the worse came in 1988 when my mom suffered a massive stroke at the age of 61 and was unable to care for her own needs. It was at this point that I knew my dad really did love my mom and took his vows before God seriously. I sat in the doctor's office with him when the doctor said, "I'd put her in a nursing home, she will never be a wife to you again." My dad took my mom home and cared for her. Daily, he dressed her, bathed her, and made her meals, for seven years, until his own illness. But, the walls were thick and big and still they remained.

Five months before my dad died he received Jesus Christ as his Savior. A few months later he was able to begin healing his marriage as he confessed his shortcomings to my mom and verbally expressed his love to her. And then, the Lord took him home. My father's love had not grown cold, he knew love was more than a feeling, love was a commitment. My mother's love had not grown cold when she gave up her career as a registered nurse; she knew children needed her, not things. When I was with my mom as she passed away last June, I couldn't help but realize that at the end of the road, when life is ending, and all is done for this earth, the only thing that matters are the relationships we have nurtured and loved. My mom was surrounded by five of her eight children. She didn't lay there thinking she wished she'd given more to her job, had a bigger house, a nicer car, or more fashionable clothes. I saw that my mom really was an older woman teaching a younger woman----me---to love my children, and to love my husband.